Banking crisis

I see all the big cash cows are tumbling downwards on the news today ,all waiting on the yankee government to agree to let Joe Soap pay up and bail them out.
I'm just glad they have caught up with me,I've been in banking crisis for the past 25 years,ever since I opened my first account.

I was wondering why I wasn't getting worried about all this banking crisis while queuing in my local bank.The fact was I was putting a few bob in to get my account back up to minus 100 after a double whammy phone and electricty bill.The bastards work together on that, sending the two bills at the same time.Anyway my mind is at ease because I've fuck all to lose ,,, SO LONG SUCKERS!!!

On a more serious note todays bet is Dan chillingworth 4/1 in the 17.20 at southwell in about an hour sorry for the short notice.

September delivers again

I've always said it ,year after year no matter what type of a summer we get September will always give you some sunny days.It has to be the best month for taking your hols,not only are you sure of getting some nice weather either here or abroad but you have the bonus that all those little Fuckers are all back at their schooldesks.Oh sweet September.

Maybe I'm just getting old ,I'll probably start climbing the ranks at the grumpy ole lads card table.Never thought i'd ever say this but ,"The kids today!"talk about feckin brats.Whatever happened to getting the legs lashed off you with the back of a hairbrush for being a brat.Now don't get me wrong I'm not advocating abuse ,just bait the bejaysus out of them thrice weekly to keep them in check.Never did me any harm ,brings out character, I just have to get rid of this twitching left eye and ssssttsstammer and I'll be mighty.

Seriously though when you see kids being right little shits and the parents take them aside for a chat or worse smile and do nothing it's quite obvious were in for some right shitheads in a few years.I believe Portugal is like Ireland 50 years ago slower pace of life no boyracers ,shitheads falling around the streets at closing full of luminous drink,No daylight robberys. Ah yes Ireland 50 years ago with the sun ,now theres a dream.

Our horse came up on the last post we got at around 7/1 on betfair so our gambling fortune is up to 86euro from 58euro.So onto todays bet its at Ascot 16.50 and were going for a horse called illusion he's a big price around 14/1 on betfair but his form suggests he has some sort of a chance.If he comes in we will have broken the 100 mark so good luck.

Oh the pain

Well not only did our two horses flunk but I now am the proud owner of a throat infection from hell.One of those that if you swallow it brings a tear to both eyes.I've been garling dispirin and salt water for the past two day but very little relief.

It's that bad I might actually miss the cards tonight.She had to pick herself off the floor when she heard me saying that. I'm working this weekend aswell so want to try and get some bit of healing going and a few pints down the local can't be that much help.Although the numbing affect of a few whiskeys sounds tempting.Maybe thats what my septic throat needs an attack of fire water!!I'm convinced what do you reckon?

Well my gambling pot is back down to 58euro so still 2euro up.Ive just done the one horse today at fontwell 16.20 roussea 8/1 bit of an outsider but his form suggests he has a shot.Well I'm off to dry reach some salty water, is'nt life grand

Lets Gamble

Well I was at the grumpy old mens card table last night in the local playing the poker.Great craic ,nice few pints and a roaring stove sweating the bejaysus out of us.There were the usual ritual seat and table shifting and grumbles 'n groans 'n moans but thats half the craic.I lost about 10 euro so I still have the shirt on me back.

One of the older lads was telling us about this ole dear he used to know who ended all, and I mean every sentence with "thanks be to God." Things like "it's a lovely day today thanks be to God." "I'm just back from the shops thanks be to God." Anyway he was saying he was outside her house admiring a new wall she had built for her garden and she was giving out stink about the builder saying "do you know how long he took to build that? 6 bloody months,thank be to God."

Right I've started to have a little flutter on the horses.Well I've always had a flutter to be honest but now I'm going to track the progress and see how well i do over time.As Groucho Marx once said "I've worked my way up from nothing into an extreme state of poverty."I have about 56 euro in my betfair account so I'll be just doing minimum bets 4 euro which I will increase if I ever get over the hundred mark.First bet yesterday came up at 11/4 a horse called Rum Jungle at folkstone so up to 66 today.I've picked two today at Goodwood 15.45 Patavium Prince 11/1 and 16.20 Purple moon 8/1 so with a bit of luck we will be up a few bob "thanks be to God"

Biker Rally

Not so long ago they had a biker rally in a pub near me. They really went to town on the orgainising of it ,everything from spit roast pig to a tent full of strippers . I was more partial to the pig, it went well with the guiness.The strippers were giving me heartburn.I'm into me bikes so enoyed every minute of it and I have to say they were a great crowd plus it was for charity.What a great way to raise money, everyone getting pissed and having the craic.

There were all sorts of bikers at it and I was chatting to one of the hairy ones.He was explaining the Jackets of the club he was with.I was wondering why some of them only had a bit of the patches that the others had.I'm all the wiser now,its a bit like the ranking system in the army the more patches you have the higher up you are in the club so a big patch can tell a little patch what to do.

It seemed a lot more like a uniform to me than anything else so I think I'll stick the my biker club of one and i'll tell meself what to do . The only thing is everytime she's on the back it's an instant demotion.I tried to explain the rules of my club to her and tell her what to do but I just ended up having to get patched up myself, groan.

Fly my Prettys Fly

We had some house martins nesting at each gable of the house this year.It was amazing watching them build their nest and raising their chicks.Of course this meant I had to put off the painting job ,not that the wife had been nagging me for months about it or anything like that."You can't be disturbing gods creatures it's bad karma."seemed to work anyway.Four little birds sent from heaven.

We had a great time watching them with creaked necks on the patio,two little heads looking out at us and occasionally throwing their chicks shit at us.They headed off to africa I think about a week ago after clocking up some flight training hours with the chicks,leaving two montains of shit each side of the house just to say thanks for the stay.

So the painting job is back on "sob."The nests fell down themselves,well half of them anyway.I was up on the ladder today with a power washer wrapped around me trying to knock off the rest of the mud made nests. Now we have two very fetching brown streaks running down the sides of the house, she will be pleased.Still I am actually looking forward to them coming back again for their hols next year the little bastards.

Traffic lane stress management

I had to join the morning traffic jam the other day on the way up to work in Dublin. It takes me about an hour or so and to be honest I'm actually starting to enjoy it.I lash on a good cd usually ,just in case I happen to stumble onto the colin and jim jim or whatever their called breakfast, wreck my head show,stress levels will get enough of a boost on the road up without them.Like I said it takes me about an hour and that is just sauntering along.I timed myself going flat out one day just to see ,bobbing and weaving,accelerating hard braking harder and I think i made it in about 6 minutes quicker and burned up and extra ten euro in petrol.So now I sit back in a state of tranquil relaxation and potter along enjoying the freak show of cars absolutely killing themselves to get ahead of the bus, tractor or van. You can actually feel the stress emanating from a car thats caught behind a truck and you will eventually see the driver pull out all the stops and throw caution to the wind with a death defying manouver and just scrape in ahead of it.To do what folks?Thats it sit in traffic just ahead of the truck.I've actually met the same cars that raged passed me earlier on at the round about in Dublin where I turn off the main road and I cant help the giggle when they see the van they passed about an hour ago and them with an extra few white streaks in the hair from a couple of near death experiences.So my tip for a longer stress free life in traffic jams is Potter along you'll feel much better for it.

Edjamacation

The wifes been giving out about my grammar, which I admit is crap.Ah well, when I think back to the encouraging words my father said when he saw my leaving cert results... "A Trained Fucking Monkey could have done better."And I think he was spot on.I was that bad I told a mate I got "no good" as a result in my Irish, I actually thought thats what N.G. (no grade) stood for.How we laughed that day, not a job in the country and me on my first steps to extreme poverty.
I was at a band last night in a small village in wicklow.It was in one of these art council of Ireland funded halls.A local had told me that the place was full of uppity shitheads but I really wanted to see this band so I went.The band were great , sort of cajun /bluegrass from canada.The venue was tiny and the arty farty folk were all drinking there glasses of wine stroking goatees (even the women)and talking tripe. After one song that was in french there were hoops of "Trie bien" from someone in the crowd.I could feel it bubbling up from my toes "WOULD YOU EVER FUCK OFFFF!" but i did'nt want to offend the band, so I just said "He knows french" in a high pitched P.J Gallaghers voice .Anyway I really enjoyed the band despite the crowd.Its great to hear a band playing good music without tons of electrics and computers with one omadon singing and flicking switches.I think if the pubs brought back the good ole acoustic music sessions instead of Barney Flynn and his Big Magic Electric Keyboard they would see a lot more folk.Anyway till next time.
Trei Bien
vomit

Come fly with me

Well got through 9/11 without a misshap although just heard the sad news that the Asgard 2 went down in the bay of biscay.They still dont know what sunk her.I wonder if it was an attack.Thats all we fuckin need now is security at ferry terminals searching our bags for liquids.She took on too much water.I really despise going to airports now and especially anything to do with that shower at ryanair.Wont fly with them ever .So the one bit of normality we have left is the ferry if that goes like the airports "so long europe"
When you think about it though, say your flying to england.Most people are at least 1-2hrs away from the airport,you also have to be there 2hrs before the flight, nearly all these cheap flights are at 6.30 am.So your leaving the house the day before and bollixed when you get there.
After you've booked your 1euro flight plus hidden sneaky, theiving, fucking charges it comes to at least 60-100.And thats before they charge you for talking to them at the counter cause you forgot to check in online."oh and sorry sir can I just weigh that case"that'll be another 30euro each way.Unless you take out and wear all your clothes at once."Yes thats fuckin right I am Pavorotti".And if there is the slightest chance they can get away with it sorry sir your fucked we cant let you fly.Your better off just going in there with a saddle on your back and bend down at the check in screaming "RIDE ME"
The ferry is so much more relaxed drive or walk on.Whatever the fare says it is ,it is.Stroll around,have a smoke,stretch out and your still not going to be travelling much longer.Well thats my tip for today fuck flying or if you really have to anyone but the scum.

Another Sleepless Night

Well I'm dying with a head cold.As the wife says us lads are always dying with colds they just get colds.Dying as I am I still had to drag myself down to the local for our regular poker game.I had promised myself I would stay on the hot whiskeys too sweat it out of me but I felt strong enough to have a guinness after the one.It was the usuall grumpy old men playing ,although im heading that way myself just not as extreme.Its like watching a play before we start.Chairs getting moved ,"these cards are very sticky,""the tables too slippy."Sometimes one of them during the game will move the table an inch towards him, it's then we have to call in the U.N. to set up a buffer zone,And God love the lad who innocently sits on a regulars chair as he will get the gaze of death over halfcocked reading glasses for the night making for a very uncomfortable game.

Still it's always good craic and nobody wins or loses too much.The running commentary about the locals is great , she's riding him and there riding everyone.I took everything with a pinch of salt at first but have since got confirmation on most stories I've heard , a right little den it is for such a small town.desperate housewives would not have a patch on it.I'm just wondering if every small town is like this or have I stumbled on a town with something special in the water. Maybe you can let me know.

Anyway I won a few bob for once and headed home happy,took a dispirn and a hot port for medicinal reasons and hit the hay.Now I don't know if your wives or girlfriends have this knack mine has.If i have a bruise or any part of me is sore she will always unknowingly hit, scrape,or spill something hot on it.Generally she's able to find some way of making me uncomfortable.So she obviously went to the loo at some stage of the night and left the bathroom door open in such a way that at daybreak about 5am a beam of light hit the mirror and bore into my forehead.It would have taken a mathematician about a day to get the angles right.I actually got the headache before i woke up with a light like something in indiana jones beaming into one spot on my head.I sat up in bed like the chosen one from God with now a cold and a migraine.

Got back to sleep after sealing everything shut when the phone rings at 9am, which is of course on my side.A lady with a happy morning voice explained she was from landsdowne marketing and was doing a survey."it will only take 15mins ,"she says.In my best dinasour accent "WOULD YOU EVER FUCK OFFF!" was going through my head in reality i just said "No Thank you"and died.

Tesco vs Lidl

I'm amazed at the difference in the shopping experience at both shops.I was at Tesco the other day with half a trolley of stuff , waited in the queue thats always there and handed over that super duper card to a girl with a face like a smacked arse who grunted swiped it and actually fucked the card back at me frisbee style, it stuck in me like one of those throwing stars, the wife was amused anyway.I was still kissing my hand better when she hits me with a 90euro bill pow!!Then off to the off-licence part where you get the lotto to an even longer queue where one girls permanently on the phone and the other with smacked arse face syndrome serves inbetween chats with the other.SWEETJAYSUS!

Then you hit Lidl where you come round with a trolley the size of texas with everything from drink,steaks to a science labratory kit and when you join a queue ,if there is one that is, theres no need to panic.As soon as they see more than 2 and a half customers the bells start ringing and out come the cavalry to clear you out quickly.The girls are always friendly smiling and after toting up your mountain your told "that will be fuck all please"Usually in a sweet european accent. I dont think Ive ever left there without a smile and usually some useless tool that will stay in my ever expanding toolbox.